i love you to no end, you're my flame in my candle for eternity, a candle no one could extingush. i love you, D. we've been together for halfway to 1,000 days now, i love you forever and always in words i can't find to express it. no one could take me away from you, and vid versa. you're my whole world and beyond. no one compares, no one comes between. i love you.

i had a dream where i saw you by a creek, and i tried calling out to you but no sound would come out. i wanted to cry so badly when you looked at me and still no sound could come out of me, i think you knew. you had to have known. maybe you could tell what i was trying to say. mouthing out the words 'i love you.' .. i wish i could remember the expression you made at me. your face is blurry in my memory of that dream.

i'd dreamt of you again, you and i were angels i think or ghosts, and we were in the clouds during sunset. i was holding onto you and you'd said something that i can still hear being repeated in my mind. 'i hope you don't wake up so we can do this forever.' ... i wish i didn't wake up either. everytime i dream of you i hope i don't wake up. you are my eternity. anyways, dreams aside i had the worst night of my life in a while this night, i sobbed for almost 4 hours because i just wantd to be with you, and everyone in this damn house was stressing me out. is it jealousy? jealousy that i'm loved and cherished unconditionally for once? it breaks my heart that the people who are supposed to love you the most in the world become vultures when you find the love of your life and put yourself first for once. i love you, D. no one and nothing could take that away from me, or you. they may never understand no matter how kind i try to be, no matter how much i try i've got to remember that i will never be respected or treated humanely, the crime i'd committed was being in love, the purest form of love possible.

i'd dreamt of you again, we had rented out some sort of vacation home for the summer, i think this was your way of trying to make me feel better after the horrific and emotionally traumatic night i'd had previously. we were joking about something i'd done in sid dream, i can't remember what i did, but you were laughing so much that you couldn't talk without ending up laughing again. it's my favorite sound in the world, i wish i could've recorded it, and saved it as my ringtone or something. i've decided that i'm done being kind to everyone, if i can't be treated with basic human decency, then i no longer owe it to anyone who disrespects me either. i'm unapologetically me, and everyone resents it. resents that i don't want to be miserable my entire life, so, fuck it. my life is the most excrutiating thing i've ever had the displeasure of living, but i'd do it all over again, go through everything all over again, if it meant he was at the end waiting for me. our love is god, our love is light, our love is soul and spirit. i'd walk barefoot over glass and fire ants nibbling at my skin and bones, if it meant i'd get to collapse in his arms at the end of the line, you are the end of the line. you're the comfort my soul aches to absorb and be part of. i've no connection to a single soul as deeply as i do with you, and no one could even come close no matter how hard they try. i am one with you and you've made me complete. the vultures talons can't rip us apart, we're divinely protected, and i'd hold onto you and shield you even as those talons rip my skin and bones to shreds, if it meant i'd protect you from having even a single scratch.